so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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