What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
