wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
