why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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