apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
