I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
