So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
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I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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