His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
