I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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