Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
