He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
