And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
