Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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