i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
