I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I need a beard to bite.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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