I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
