T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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