Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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