You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
