i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
