so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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