I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
