Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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