i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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