Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
