my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
