i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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