You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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