FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
