We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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