One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
