I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
