My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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