So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
