I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
