So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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