if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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