I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize