do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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