She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
