Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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