she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
