from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What a dumb baby whore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
