So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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