you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
