do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
