Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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