Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
