is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
