So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
