k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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