My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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