I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
