she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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