You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
