ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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