Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
