I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
