ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
