I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
