I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
