when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
