I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
