so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
