You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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