We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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