They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
