Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
