The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
