Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
