I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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