she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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