I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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