You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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