she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
