everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
