I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
