i wish my penis had a tongue
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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