OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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