last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
