Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
