Don't you send me to vm
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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