Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
there is glitter all over my balls
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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