Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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