god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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