I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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